Probably the final chapter of Rags..

As I am sure you have known, Rags is not real, except in my mind. He came to the small town of Mt Bell, NC and caused a stir. To some he was a hero, to others still a bum. Father O'Shields has Satan and at the insistance of the Brothers has changed his name, Satan did not seem to mind. The nanny goat is back with the father also, along with a sizeable monetary donation.

Rags moves on to Pittsburg, PA. His new endeavor is another story, another book. From time to time I may enter more info on RAgs, who is in reality, Jerry Wiley, surgeon and EX-CIA opperative.
The readers who have met Rags seem to enjoy his lifestyle, wit and ability. He became good friends with the police chief and his cousin.

Maybe we will see him soon as the mysterious S'gar.

Rags' early life is available through amazon.com, target.com or http://shipslog-jack.blogspot.com/

Thanks for reading the Rags Blog.

IN:
The guy with the Chief stopped me today. I know him, that is for sure. He must not know me or a team would be here already to pick me up. I must be thinking of a plan, if a team does show up. They are not invincible, but they are tough. It is frustrating not to have done anything wrong, just minding your own business. I quit a job. True enough, I did not submit a resignation, but they don’t’ like that either. It was simpler to disappear, so I thought I did. This journal is coming to an end I am afraid. I will try to make one last entry for all the good it does. It has been an outlet. I talk to Satan and Father O’shields, but I may need more. I am feeling better about myself. Those boys are headed more and more through here. I spotted one going by himself. I must head that way. later
OUT:

I think it is close to the end.

IN:
We are have a great time. The living quarters are nearly complete. I picked up some medical manuals this week on lazer amputation. Great stuff, advancements that will make life better for some. I don;'t have to worry too much about the outside world here. I have Satan to guard the entry ways and the fact that very few folks even know I exist. The town has grown to ignore me. My only poroblem is those blasted kids. The boys resent my following them, most of the time they never know. They go one day a week and clean up around the swimming hole they have.

Father O'Shields is quite a guy. we talk often now, he never asks what I am doing here or why. Interesting guy the father, as hard a nails in body, but meek as a lamb. I would be willing to bet some of the SEALS I have worked with in the company (CIA) would barely hold their own.

The Chief of police has taken a renewed interest in me. I hope it is short lived. I am ready for it, but I don't want it.
OUT:

rambling

IN:
It is Spring, we now have living quarters, a source of dairy foods and a garden started (some dirt turned anyway).
Problem is the boys also are hitting the woods and playing around that swimming hole. This is really all new to me. I can’t imagine swimming in a creek as a kid. We had a clean swimming pool. Free from snakes, germs and wild creatures. I am getting an education in less fortunate young lives. They don’t seem to mind the hardships, or realize they should be in a clean public pool. I have saw them just strip off and jump in the water. My father would never have allowed that. Then I may have missed something. No matter what I am doing, when I hear them something draws me to follow and watch. I am sure if someone in authority knew this, it would be considered unnatural.
OUT:

IN:
Well I may have a problem. While on my grocery run today I noticed a man with the local Chief of Police. He is familiar I know. I cannot put a name or place with the face, but It is a pretty good bet that I met him during work for the Company. I cannot figure how they may have tracked me here. I have left no trail I know. When I took a plane to Charlotte, it was an assumed name I have never used before. I will keep my vigil, and also I have an ace in the hole, Satan. He is fully recovered and has accepted training like a champ, which he is.
OUT:

IN:
It is hard to believe the size of my home now. The light inside is amazing I can read without a problem. It feels safe inside. I don’t have to worry about anyone walking up undetected, Satan has grown into an outstanding watchdog. We have a bond now, he is my compadre. Time is broken up by my trips into town. At least once a week, sometimes twice. I am accepted now it seems as the local bum. No one hassles me anymore. I can travel around in my own world. Sometimes I smile within thinking of the troops with whom I worked, I know the search is still on. The Boss is wondering if I am somewhere writing memoires to expose the black ops of the Company. On the outside, has he defected! They have a constant fear of that. Losing control drives them berserk. I have no desire to air OUR dirty laundry and will not. I just want to be left alone.
Out:

IN:
Working steady with nice weather we have the start of a nice cave home. It is big enough already for Satan and I to move around without bumping into one another. We still cook outside on the stone stove. The goat is widening our living area outside the caves. It is becoming a nice courtyard, with the stove being the center piece. We gathered some blooms to decorate, the first time we have been able to do that. I have ordered some books at the School Special’s shop down town. A girl named Brittany usually waits on me. I still cannot make eye contact with anyone, I keep trying to analyze. I don’t feel as depressed as I was. I am actually beginning to feel pretty good.
OUT

visit

IN:
I visited Father O’Shields yesterday. I love talking with him. A logical man. It doesn’t seem to bother him that I am not Catholic; I don’t feel I am anything right now. Just a floating soul. I feel better talking to him. He gladly accepts the butter and cheese we have extra. I hate for it to go to waste. He tries to cheer me up. He tells me he knows I am in a depression (he is able to think clinically). But he says if I keep seeking, something will shock, or ease me out of it. Trying to force it, as medically taught, doesn’t work too well according to Dr. O’shields. Yeah he has a doctorate also, I never thought of Fathers having a doctorate. He tries to get me into deep discussions, I can tell. He laughs and says he knows what I am doing. A visit with him does me good. I haven’t asked what he thinks about the boys and my deep attraction to them. Maybe one day.
OUT:

ok is is not spring, however...

IN:
Well I see by the date on my Grocery list this is still February. Isn’t this the month for Valentines’? I thought it was already Spring. The trees are budding around here. I think there a lot of dogwoods here. They will be pretty soon I am sure.
The word Valentine brings back some memories. I have never been married, always too busy. Looking back, no wonder I was such a good student, I was dedicated. No girl was going to stop me from reaching daddy’s goal for me.
There were a couple. One at Duke that set my heart on fire, but graduate studies would not allow me the luxury. I settled for the new Corvette from dad. He was so pleased with my doctorate, I was too. But after, I felt so hollow. She went on to marry a classmate. I went to the wedding and wished her well, but I think of her often. But bury yourself in work and you reach the top, and I did. You know what you hear; it is lonely at the top. It really is, if you do not have someone to share it with. Believe me dad’s do not count. I did not stay long on top. I had a friend, don’t we all. He went with the Company. Yeah we talked, I quit. Dad was pissed, to say the least. But I disappeared. Man was that the life.. wow.
OUT:

IN:
Sun is out, we finally figured how to put light in the cave. Well I guess I did, but Satan seemed to approve. I call it light tunnels. I bought a couple rolls of aluminum foil. hollowed two small cave-lettes just large enought to reach in and line the openings with foil. Amazing, it about like day light.
Spring must do something for SAtan also, his wounds are healed completely and he is turning into a wonderful friend. His training continues, he is an excellent watch dog. I was born with what some say was a silver spoon in my mouth, nothing pays for losing your mom though at an early age. I think this is a contest to see if I can make it. I know I am in a deep depressison, any GP could tell that. Seems I am up some days and down others. I can't figure why I am drawn to the boys so much. It is not a thrill to watch them, more like labor. Maybe this is how poor kids live, facing danger and do not know it. I expect they will be through the woods more now that the weather is breaking.
OUT:

Cold again

IN
Not too much to report, I still have the blahs. No sense in using medical terms, I think that is what I am avoiding. It is hard to follow blindly if you have a high intelligent quotient. I am not bragging but my IQ is off the scale, but that doesn't stop depression. I felt so locked in, my life was ordered for 24 hrs. a day. And losing it at the wrong time did not help a bit. You know, sometimes you just do not want to answer questions. I did all I could do, I thought at the time, but did I? I can't get away from that question. Was it the best I could do?
Something silly just occured to my mind, I wonder it one of the drivers in NASCAR who comes in second, loses sleep asking did he do his best. Silly, just wondered. I guess I will never ask one.
We are digging a little on the living cave, but it has turned cold again. At least I don't worry about the kids dropping by to disturb me, or endanger themselves. I think I told you I named dog, Satan. He is learning as he heals from his own injuries. I wish mine were that simple.
OUT

IN
We, dog and I are still digging the spring out. I have decided it is really not a spring by definition but a small underground stream, the water is clear and we are using it for our water source. Dog already knows not to drink directly from the stream, I have a bowl to the side for him. This is a pretty good cave itself, but with the water it is too damp to live in for long. The home cave is started but that is all.
I spend a couple hours a day training him. He is a mixed breed and learns very quickly. While with the Company, I worked with a dog handler and learned some of the techniques. Dog also is a problem. I have decided on a name, I am not sure my friend Father O’Shields will approve. I know that this dog can scare the devil out of a person, so I have decided to call him Satan. I need a name to train with, and Satan is working well. He has gained weight since his trauma, and is healing well. WE are bonding, as they say, very well.
OUT

IN
It is freezing here. We have been staying in the cave we have dug for the spring. It stays a constant 70- degrees. We had a sprinkling of snow. I will start on our house soon. Maybe tomorrow. It will be a cave also, but I hope to make a nice underground house. When that is all you have to do the digging goes good. I just dig and put the dirt in five gallon buckets and then scatter it around. I am building sort of a berm around our camp site with the dirt. A Lady once told me to keep busy with my hands and I could clear my mind. I have a long way to go but her advice it good. I met the lady by the rail road tracks. A man there sells apples, he keeps a fire going, nice to warm by. He gets his apples from the mountain orchards. I like the cooking apples best, I love a hard apple that cracks when you bite into it. I am enjoying this solitude. I hope I can sort out my feelings before I have to deal with someone from the Company. I know no one out there is reading, but I feel better.
OUT

The company

IN (very cold)
The Company. You may or may not be familiar with your CIA. We that worked within the elite, just call it the Company. So yes, I was involved for a few short years with the ‘dark side’ of the Company, called Black Ops. They were illegal to a point, but every operation in which I participated was, in my opinion, absolutely necessary to preserve our way of life. My particular skills were in demand. And yes, I left under a cloud. Not in my opinion but I am sure theirs. BUT I just became sick and tired, distressed you might say. You work for something like the Company, you belong to them 24 hours a day seven days a week. I have always been a confirmed bachelor, so mostly it was no problem. But there are always errors and when they are yours they bear on your mind. I just need to get away. Oh, yes, they are definitely looking for me. But do you think they will look in a small cotton mill town. I don’t think so.
OUT

Just more in the woods.

IN
Well, we have decided on the spring. It will be really something. I think anyone would love it, if I can accomplish what I plan. I learned a lot with the Company. Sometimes using the stealth facts I learned there, I can get within ten or fifteen feet of the boys, and hear their conversations. Oh I know their names. The black kid is Sticky. The smart kid is Buddy and Tuck is the boy who will be an outdoorsman and hunter. That J.Leon is a little hard to read. I think he could easily get into deep trouble. He pushes his luck, as we used to say.
I will follow them in a couple days to the river. These boys are going to spend the night on an Island in the river. My father would never have allowed that. But somehow poorer kids make do with what they have. They can figure on their own, because they are on their on a lot, both parents work in the Mills.
Sticky’s mother works for some rich lady in town. Her husband owns a couple of the cotton mills. I may be getting too involved in the boy’s lives. I have plenty to do here at my home. I have lots of plans.
OUT

digging a spring

IN
Have you ever dug a spring? This is my first attempt. I found water but it is about six feet down. This is going to take some engineering. I did some research about springs. Amazing, if I can get a structure or a room like place, I can store the milk, butter I make there. And cheese IF I ever learn how to make it.
The dog actually helps dig some, I enjoy watching. I am learning to enjoy the simple things. Strange how our mind gets wrapped up in things and we do not see the simple pleasures in life. What is that old saying, ‘smell the roses’. I lost my mother early in my life, and dad never remarried. In my teen age years I missed having a mother to talk to. When I left my ‘lofty’ position my father could not understand and we had a big confrontation. That was when I was with the Company. I wish dad had owned a dog to talk to he would have grown to like it, I think. It is easier to talk to my dog than people.
OUT

milking the nannie

IN
I saw those crazy boys again today. One came close to being bitten by a cottonmouth. One kid is good with a slingshot. Killed the moccasin.
I have found a spring, but it is deep. I am getting the handle on milking the Nannie. I have yet to figure a way to make butter yet. The dog helps use the milk. I will read up on it while I am at the library. Might just go over and talk to the Father at the Abbey.
OUT

nanny

IN
It is a strange feeling to be invisible. Yesterday I walked over to the Abbey to see Father O’Shields of the Benedictines. I only passed a couple folks on the way, they actually acted like I was not there, like I am invisible. I like it, now I know I am not real just a figment. Father O’Shields gave me a nanny to take care of and so I would have milk. I may be a farmer yet or an outdoorsman. Now I have got to learn to milk better. In awhile he says I can have butter and cheese. Father gave a demo, and dog liked the milk, this is going to be interesting. I started to dig yesterday. I have decided to dig a spring or well first. I guess you dig until you hit water. I could try to cut one of those divining rods and use that to try to find water. I have a water seepage close by. Should be a good idea to try there.
OUT

Just another day and children

IN
Last night there was a lot of fireworks in town. I could see some of them from my place. So it is a new year. What is it about that that makes folks celebrate? It is just another day. The sun will come up and go down. Actually it will not. The Earth will rotate so we can see the sun for part of a day, then rotate on into the shadow of the earth itself. We call it night.
But it is just another day. In some parts of the world folks are dying. Some are fighting wars. Children are suffering because we 'big folks' can't get along.
WE give our reasons, but what good does that do the kid who has just lost his parents to a stupid bomb.
I see kids everyonce in awhile pass throught the woods. I watch and see them do dangerous things, it scares me. I just can't think of another child getting hurt when I am around. You can't watch them all the time. too much to be done. I have decided to dig a cave to live in.
OUT